It came as a shock to me to realise that I had a broken spirit! I had come to the place where I thought that my spirit was fine, and it was the disarray of my soul or the hindrance of my flesh that was the trouble. Surely this was the case. Was not the kingdom of heaven in my midst? Was not my spirit the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit? Months later I found myself confronted with the reality of scripture that plainly taught that, indeed the spirit could be broken. And I just knew that this was the case in my life . . .
Humbled, and feeling unexpectedly needy, I crafted a simple prayer based on the verses that had diagnosed my condition. These words I prayed daily, wondering how such a fundamental problem could be rectified in my life.
Lord, my heart had experienced so much sadness, and my spirit has been broken (Prv 15:13). As for a broken spirit, who can bear it? (Prv 18:14) It dries up the bones. (Prv 17:22) You would have my heart as a resevoir that hosts your Spirit and holy presence – A well of water springing up to eternal life. But I am cracked and broken in spirit and inadequate for that purpose. My filling ebbs away. But you do not despise our brokenness (Ps 51:17). You save those crushed in spirit (Ps 34:18). You can renew a steadfast spirit within me (Ps 51:10). You can sustain me with a willing spirit (Ps 51:12). I cry out to you with a heavy heart and wail with a broken spirit (Is 65:14). And I petition you and declare that it is into your hand that I commit my spirit (Ps 31:5) – to be healed and restored and renewed. Amen.
There was something that horrified me when I thought about my being a broken vessel that leaked the filling from heaven. I often have felt anointed. I have experienced the gentle touch of heaven. But how terrible to think that the Father had so much more for me and it was slipping through my fingers.
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