First Things First

Following on from my last post . . .

Realising that I had a broken spirit, I tried to draw on scripture to understand what I was facing. I thought about how I had heard a sermon on the book of Nehemiah, a type or analogy of the fortification of the soul. Nehemiah, whose name means “comforter”, was a picture of the Holy Spirit in his ministry as he set up the bars and the gates of the soul and secured it from enemy attack. One of the points this preacher made was that at this time the temple was already rebuilt. The spirit was functioning well, and consequently the soul could be established. Well, my spirit wasn’t okay. I needed to go back in time and look at the rebuilding of the temple. To deal with my broken spirit the very short book of Haggai could serve as a guidebook.

My first observation from the book was a reflection on the intended order of our healing. It is not proper to be focussed on living in panelled houses when my house is in a ruin. It is spiritually out of order to fixate on the soul (the city) before our spirits (the temple) are rebuilt and restored. That said, there is a job to be done on the flesh prior to either of these. This is pictured historically in the release to return. Wounds were healed and chains were broken. The flesh makes our heart hard and dirty, and insensible to our spirits. A clean heart precedes a renewed spirit. The restoration of our hearts permeability to the flow of joy that comes via the Holy Spirit in our spirits, comes before the Lord acts on his spirit.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation

And sustain me with a willing spirit.

Psalm 51:10-12

In fact, it seems like the flesh is responsible for a broken spirit within us. In this verse, the sadness reflects a barren heart, a heart hardened so that joy flowing to us from God via our spirits is absent.

. . . when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

Proverbs 15:13

Salvation comes and the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within our spirits. Depending on our individual history and the generational baggage that we carry, the fleshly calcification that blocks the flow of the Holy Spirit’s living water from moving out of our spirits and into our souls can vary markedly. We all are fallen and fleshly, but we don’t all bear the same wounds and the chains that initially bind us vary as well. The coming of the Holy Spirit into our spirits is an incredible event. There is a weight of glory that descends on us. He brings all heaven with him. And if our flesh blocks the release of all of that out into our hearts and souls and lives, then something gives. Our spirits cannot contain all of that without some kind of release valve. When our hearts are hard, our spirits are broken. This would explain why some new Christians experience an almost spontaneous filling of the Spirit and all that entails. Others, like me, seem to be confined to living with less of God’s glory and power in our lives. So we need to deal with the flesh problem before we restore our spirits. The flesh must be crucified, and then our personal temple in which the Lord can dwell can be repaired. Otherwise, our spirits would break all over again.

After the exile, the Jews never again suffered under the lure of idolatry. All of those substitutes, the Baals and the Asherah poles that tempted them away from authentic worship of Jehovah in the Temple, had completely lost their power. The idolatry that caused the exile was cured by it, and the Jews were prepared to restore their Temple and live again with it as the centre of their community.

So the order is important – First the flesh, then the spirit and then the soul. Trying to renovate our souls without addressing the problem of a broken spirit, leads us to hypocrisy. Without sufficient resources we choose the veneer of panelled houses rather than the authenticity of genuine materials. Acknowledging that we are poor in spirit leads to all the blessings of the kingdom of heaven, just as hungering and thirsting after righteousness results in us being filled.

Heaven Slipping Through my Fingers

It came as a shock to me to realise that I had a broken spirit! I had come to the place where I thought that my spirit was fine, and it was the disarray of my soul or the hindrance of my flesh that was the trouble. Surely this was the case. Was not the kingdom of heaven in my midst? Was not my spirit the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit? Months later I found myself confronted with the reality of scripture that plainly taught that, indeed the spirit could be broken. And I just knew that this was the case in my life . . .

Humbled, and feeling unexpectedly needy, I crafted a simple prayer based on the verses that had diagnosed my condition. These words I prayed daily, wondering how such a fundamental problem could be rectified in my life.

Lord, my heart had experienced so much sadness, and my spirit has been broken (Prv 15:13). As for a broken spirit, who can bear it? (Prv 18:14) It dries up the bones. (Prv 17:22) You would have my heart as a resevoir that hosts your Spirit and holy presence – A well of water springing up to eternal life. But I am cracked and broken in spirit and inadequate for that purpose. My filling ebbs away. But you do not despise our brokenness (Ps 51:17). You save those crushed in spirit (Ps 34:18). You can renew a steadfast spirit within me (Ps 51:10). You can sustain me with a willing spirit (Ps 51:12). I cry out to you with a heavy heart and wail with a broken spirit (Is 65:14). And I petition you and declare that it is into your hand that I commit my spirit (Ps 31:5) – to be healed and restored and renewed. Amen.

There was something that horrified me when I thought about my being a broken vessel that leaked the filling from heaven. I often have felt anointed. I have experienced the gentle touch of heaven. But how terrible to think that the Father had so much more for me and it was slipping through my fingers.